Pregnant & Postpartum in the Pandemic
It was March 2020 when we booked a one-way flight to California to spend what we thought would be a month with my parents. We had just found out we were pregnant with Greyson when the shutdown occurred and Joseph sprang into action and told me to pack a bag. Honestly - I was ANNOYED. We’re about to be inconvenienced by living with someone else, what about work?! What about daycare for Charlie! These were just a few of my initial thoughts but we had NO IDEA what COVID had in store for us.
I want to start by saying I’m so thankful my parents opened their home with a 24h notice to the three, soon-to-be four of us and that though family members tested positive for COVID, everyone made it through alive.
That being said, being pregnant and postpartum in the pandemic was one I’ll never forget. Throughout my pregnancy, I fell off my healthy choices, was easily irritable, and simply was ready to get back to my own space again. Once I had Greyson, I felt like I had no privacy to truly recover (all my mamas know!). Since I was worried my dad would walk into a room while I was breastfeeding at any moment, I would feed Greyson in the room which quickly felt like a prison. I was restricted in my space, self-conscious of my postpartum body, and frustrated that this postpartum experience looked differently than with Charlie.
Despite these frustrations, there is so much to be thankful for during our time in California. We recruited the help of a family friend to watch Charlie during the day (since my mom, dad and Joseph were all working full-time), we went on several trips to Southern California and spent quality time with my parents that we otherwise wouldn’t have had, and so many more dope moments that we’ll never forget.
In December, we were close to closing on our home in Montclair, NJ so we decided to come to Philly and spend a few weeks with Joseph’s family for Christmas and New Year’s. What we thought would be a couple of weeks turned into 10 because of delays on our house closing. Again - we’re so thankful that they opened their home to the four of us! I was simply ready to be in my own space. Those 10 weeks were a true test for me to adjust to having 2 kiddos since my parents had helped a lot during our time in California. I took an additional 6 weeks of medical leave since I simply wasn’t in the right mind space to go back to work. Charlie suffered from ‘stranger anxiety’ since for the last 8 months, she was only exposed to my parents, so even when Joseph’s family would offer to help, she wouldn’t let them. She’s STILL warming up to them! There’s NO WAY I could watch both kids and work full-time, while also battling, what I had officially come to terms with, postpartum depression.
I didn’t recognize that I had PPD until I saw an Instagram ad where a woman in tears was holding her baby, sitting on the floor and her back against the wall. No privacy, no quiet space, no breaks. This was a much different experience than what I expected to have, and I was ready to tap out.
Now that we’re in our home in Montclair, I’ll never take for granted what it’s like to be in our own space again. We live in a beautiful neighborhood, we have a huge home filled with peace and enough space for guests, I’m now in a new job where I have the flexibility to work from home even as others are going back into the office, I’ve been consistent with making healthier choices for the last year or so and close to my fitness goal, and so much more.
Winter 2020
