One Year in the Gray Area

I don’t like to identify my time as a “stay-at-home mom” because I spend most of my time outside the home. This role requires much more than a simple title.

This week marks 1 year since being laid off from my nonprofit role and transitioning full-time as COO of the Tillman Household - caring for the kids full-time and managing the home. Here are 8 lessons I’ve learned over the last 12 months that I hope will help you as you potentially navigate an upcoming Gray Area in your life. (in no particular order)

1. I use my calendar just as much, if not more, than when working a 9-5p. My kids thrive on a schedule, and so do I. I schedule time for the gym, grocery shopping, kids’ activities, and more. If it’s not on the calendar, I often say it’s not happening!

2. My kids are hilarious! Spending more time with them this year has allowed me to see their personalities continue to develop that I didn’t have time for while previously juggling everything else.

3. This is a hard role. I’ve become comfortable asking for help or re-evaluating our budget for hired help if our village cannot assist. I don’t have to be superwoman to do it all myself. Sometimes superwoman can delegate to someone else.

4. FREE & low-cost activities are our friends. Check my list below!

5. Managing the home takes a lot more than I realized. I take Sundays to plan the week for meals, after-school activities, school breaks, and play dates so I’m ready for the week ahead.

6. Spiked Wellness & Nike Well Collective have been my saving grace. Having something for myself outside the home allows me to separate my identity and not lose track of who I am in the midst of this still very-new season.

7. I don’t need to prove my productivity. The proof is in their happiness and my level of patience at the end of the day. Joseph and I have frequent check-ins (similar to quarterly reviews) to see what the kids are working on, what they can improve on, what house projects need oversight, and what support I need to make it happen (whether I’m going to do it myself or we’re going to outsource).

8. I’ve unfollowed the “perfect DIY” mom and followed accounts like @motheruntitled who empower me in this transition. Social media cleanses are POWERFUL.

A few things I accomplished in this Gray Area:

1. Potty trained Greyson

2. Completed a triathlon

3. Signed to Nike as an Athlete/trainer

4. Repriortiized friendships

5. Restored relationships

6. Continued to lead the Wives group events and year-end retreat

Here is a list of free and low-cost activities in the Essex County area that I’ve loved!

• FREE

  • South Mountain Fairy Trail

  • Essex County Environmental Center (Frog pond, butterfly garden and trail)

  • Pirate Playground at South Mountain Reservation Boat House

  • Newport Green Park (Jersey City - large park and water splash pad)

  • Van Saun (Paramus)

  • Glenfield Park

  • Watsessing Park

  • Anderson Park

  • Edgemont Park

  • Mill Creek Point Park (Secaucus)

  • Verona Park

  • Cedar Grove Park/Playground

• Fee/Membership Required

  • Turtle Back Zoo

  • Imagine That! Museum

  • Aquarium (in the mall)

  • Abma Farm and Petting Zoo

  • Science Center

• Indoor Playgrounds (Call first!)

  • Kid Empire

  • The Village Play Cafe

  • Jumpin Jax